My mom keeps kissing my daughter goodbye without her consent

Jane’s daughter is turning three soon, so she’s trying to teach her that her body is hers and that she can say no to hugs and kisses if she wants to. 

But despite her best efforts to impart this lesson, her own mother is apparently making it “near impossible” and won’t stop kissing her daughter when she babysits her. 

“Family should always get cuddles”

“She helps me out loads with childcare, which I’m super grateful for,” Jane explains to NetMums.

“But I’ve noticed that when my daughter says no to a kiss or cuddle, my mom always says things like ‘don’t be silly, of course you can hug your nanny’, and just goes in for the kiss anyway.”

Jane says she’s tried talking to her mom about this, but she says she thinks she’s being “ridiculous”, that “a three-year-old doesn’t know what she wants” and that “family should always get cuddles.”

The mom told the forum that she wants opinions to see if other people think she’s overreacting too.

“I just want my daughter to grow up feeling like she has some control over her own body,” she says.

“If everyone thinks I’m mad, I’ll leave it, but if not, I can show my mom that it’s not just me!!”

“It’s okay to teach your daughter about boundaries”

In response, one user wrote: “You’re being ridiculous. Sorry to be blunt.”

Another mom replied: “In short, if you’re not happy with the level of care, then you can put your child with another childcare provider.”

A third added: “Sorry but you’re in the wrong. Your mom helps out with childcare but she’s not allowed to give/get hugs and kisses from her granddaughter. It may be a good idea to teach your daughter that’s she’s allowed to say no to hugs and kisses from extended family and friends but not immediate family!”

And a fourth agreed: “It’s her nan, she obviously loves her very much and provides loving care for her. It’s okay to teach your daughter about boundaries but immediate family in this context is totally different.”

“Daycare ignores our no touching rule”

This mom also teaches her daughter about her bodily autonomy but found that daycare ignored her rules.

“When my three-year-old, who doesn’t like being touched, was starting at a new daycare, I told the teachers that she does NOT like cuddles and that they should never try to hold her or cuddle her to help her calm down,” Sophea writes.

“I gave them a list of other tools they could use to help her feel safe. Her favourite toy. A quiet place in the corner by herself. Reading a book. Some space and time so she can come over when she is ready,” she continued.

And to her absolute disgust, they didn’t listen. And because of this, they decided to leave.

“I’ll never forget looking through the window out to the outside area where all the kids play, and seeing the teacher picking my daughter up and trying to hug her. My daughter was absolutely beside herself. Screaming. Terrified. Kicking. Yelling.”